Saturday, September 02, 2006

Like Comparing Planets to Presidents, or, Pluto Is Just Another Word For "Doofus"

Dave Rossie of The Ithaca Journal, inspired by the Pluto shenanigans, takes a look Bush's latest rating drop in a scientific light:
SAN FRANCISCO — George Bush, beloved by some as just plain folks, but scorned by elitists who consider him too shallow and unstatesmanlike, was unceremoniously reduced in rank Wednesday by the National Association of Presidential Scholars.

After years of debate concerning Bush's qualifications for the job, including some doubt about whether he was actually elected in 2000, the NAPS, in what many members hailed as “a triumph of realism over sentiment,” voted to demote Bush from president to “dwarf president.”

Wednesday's outcome completed a stunning five-year turnaround during which the 43rd president went from being hailed as the new Churchill, with a 90 percent approval rating, to the subject of debate among his own party members as to whether he is stupid or simply distracted. His approval ratings, meanwhile, have descended into the middle 30s and his dwindling support concentrated mainly among evangelicals who accept his contention that he is God's messenger boy.

Under new guidelines established by NAPS, a politician must meet three criteria in order to be classified as a full-blown president.

He or she must understand and observe the general premise set forth in the Constitution that the government of the United States is divided into three separate but equal branches: executive, legislative and judicial.

He or she must refrain from lying to the press and public at least 10 percent of the time he or she holds office. Lying to get into office will still be permitted.

He or she must be able to read a compound sentence without butchering it.
Well, in Bush's defense, how many Americans could meet those qualifications anyway? As for The Evil One himself:
“As of now,” Dr. Cuttenrhun said, “Vice President Cheney will remain a black hole.”

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