The World is Not in Them

These people just can't live in a world where people and ideas exist differently from them.  First they didn't trust Wikipedia to be stupid enough.  Now they don't trust the Bible to be hateful enough.  Phyllis Schlafly, who still can't stop hating herself for being born female, wasn't content with unleashing her own mean and petty worldview on the rest of us--she had to train her spawn to carry on in case the Rapture didn't come soon enough:

The folks behind Conservapedia, a right-leaning version of Wikipedia, have launched the Conservative Bible Project, aimed at getting rid of what they call liberal bias, wordiness, emasculation and a general dumbing down of the Old and New Testaments.

A dozen or so users, led by Conservapedia founder Andy Schlafly – the son of conservative political activist Phyllis Schlafly – are tackling the 27 books of the New Testament and 39 books of the Old Testament. Anyone can offer suggested changes.

How about  me?

“The trouble is, new translations of the Bible are done by professors at liberal universities who overwhelmingly voted for Obama,” Mr. Schlafly said. “Their political bias seeps into their translations and we felt it necessary to counteract that with one that uproots and eradicates any liberal bias.”

Clearly, the Obama-Stasi have been inserting their socialist propaganda  for the last 500 years.

In Mark 3:6, for example, they (Schlafly & crew-Ed.) have changed “Pharisees” – the Jews who were regarded as antagonists of Jesus – to “Liberals” though one user helpfully suggested “self-proclaimed elite.”

Nothing biased there.

"Liberal bias has become the single biggest distortion in modern Bible translations," Scott Schlafly says on the project's Web site. Here's one of his examples: "The earliest, most authentic manuscripts lack this verse set forth at Luke 23:34:[7]: Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.' Is this a liberal corruption of the original? This does not appear in any other Gospel, and the simple fact is that some of the persecutors of Jesus did know what they were doing. This quotation is a favorite of liberals but should not appear in a conservative Bible."

Bring me the proof.  Right here..................................................................no?   That's what I thought.

Schlafly, in an interview with The Star, details examples of what they're looking for: the parable of the adultress in John 8:7 of the New Testament is one, in which Jesus warns about casting that first stone. Not exactly family-friendly.

"This is a permissive story used by liberals to oppose capital punishment," says Schlafly. "It is saying there can be forgiveness without repentence."

So what we have here is the logical outcome of the absurdity that has become modern Christian fundamentalism:  the excision of Christ from Christianity, due to Christ's unremitting liberal bias.  So long, New Testament.  Hello, idol worship.  And the idol is ideology.

But the Good News is found, not in the New Testament (which Schlafly is working to ensure will soon be only a bad memory to the religious fringe) but Google:  in Google, "Schlafly" means that salvation is only an Export Ale away.  In Google, you see, beer is more important than nutjobbery, and that's the way it should be.