What's My Motivation?

John Wooden, getting under the rotting possum hide of the presidential persona, gives voice to the real motives underlying Bush's incomprehensible babble and inactions as only Wooden can.

In the meantime, the Japanese offer hope that a breakthrough in human skin-substitute technology (you didn't know there was such a thing, did you?) may one day be able to provide Bush with the feeling he has so sorely lacked for the past, oh, 59 years.

If you can't wait that long, but would be happy with a fake president who was at least amusing, you could try Christopher Walken, still waiting for his big break courtesy of some jokers at General Mayhem. An actor for president--what a concept!

No, wait...we have one already.